Rehabilitating The Tradthot: Finding A Role Model In The Understated Melanie Wilkes 

Bonjour and Hola friends and frenemies, I welcome you to my little lair… Before reading any further, I humbly suggest you log-off, my brothers in Nick; today’s article is for all my dissatisfied dissident-right sisters. Femininity in the age of Only Fans. Now that would have been one hell of a title huh? Let me start off by saying I get it girls. Whether you’re a chronically online, friendless femcel or a sundress wearing e-girl slut (there is no in-between), I get where you’re coming from. Though I personally skew more towards the former (Aspergers and all), the urge to dress up in 1950s inspired dresses, dye my hair blonde, and pose in cornfields does not escape me. After regretfully spending a good portion of the past 5 years in far-right forums and group chats I have come to a conclusion about the right-wing female: we are all extremely mentally ill. Usually, it’s either autism or some sort of personality disorder (BPD in my case). A traumatic childhood and daddy/mommy issues are also significant contributing factors. Whatever walk of life you come from, one thing is certain: something, somewhere, down the line went really, really wrong. I am not here to judge you girls, I get it. Most people in general are pretty messed up. Being the fairer weaker gender and all, especially considering our involvement in the aforementioned circles, we are probably going to have a few skeletons in the closet as well. So then, what’s the answer my coquette sisters? Are we going to continue down this wistful path of self-sabotage and larping well past our childbearing years? Or are we going to be big girls and grow the flip up and finally become the women we have been pretending to be all along? I don’t know about y’all but right now I’m 19 years old and I’ll be darned if in 5 years I’m still playing the same old game. Enough is enough. I have found a character from a charming 1930s flick called Gone With The Wind. I assume we’re all women of culture here and are at least familiar with the title. Not to brag or anything but I think I’ve seen this movie at least 20 times; it’s okay, not everyone is this evolved. I think a lot can be learned from that era of actresses and characters. They really knew how to act like ladies. You can untwist your panties Emily, I’m not talking about the flipping outfits! It was more of an aura, an essence, the sense of knowing your place and the appropriate way to behave oneself. By now you’ve probably been able to infer that the character in question is none other Miss Melanie (Hamilton) Wilkes.  

Melanie is a supporting character in GWTW, and is essentially used as a literary device to juxtapose against the leading protagonist Scarlett O’Hara. In many ways Scarlett is the ultimate modern woman. She is confident, brazen, dominant, entrepreneurial, manipulative, immoral and above all slutty. Melanie is the opposite of all these qualities. She is meek, humble, caring, submissive, deeply pious, and modest. She’s not always the center of attention, but she is deeply loved and respected by virtually every character in the story. Some viewers might wrongfully assume that these women are both worthy of aspiration as they represent the two sides of femininity: the dark and the light. I am here to tell you that this is false. There is nothing aspirational about dark femininity, it just makes you a bitch that also happens to be physically attractive. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing and I mean nothing worse than a woman being masculine. But masculinity is more than the clothes you wear or whether you wear make-up or not. A girl with a masculine attitude is basically a spiritual tom-boy. There is a lot that can be learned from Melanie. She doesn’t try to be anything that she’s not. She respects her role in society as a wife, mother, sister, philanthropist and friend. Above all else she is a lover. She loves people and tries to see the good in them no matter what. Below you can find a neat and low attention span friendly list of all her best attributes that I strongly recommend anyone reading this to try to emulate. Undoubtfully, the vast majority of you probably skipped all the ‘filler’ that I spent the last hour or so writing and went straight to the list. I don’t judge you for that, if anything I judge you more if you actually read all that crap. 

1. She makes her (incestuous) marriage her no.1 priority. 

2. She is a good mother and is deeply invested in the well-being of her immediate and extended family. 

3. She is always kind and patient. In many ways she exemplifies the Seven Heavenly Virtues to a T.  

4. She is a God-fearing Christian and has an unwavering faith, even in the worst of times. 

5. She is a patriot and loves her country. 

6. She is not outspoken or overly confident. Instead, she remains meek and quiet unless the situation seriously warrants it. 

7. She dresses modestly and with taste. 

8. She has a thin, elegant figure. Even after she has children, she doesn’t balloon up and makes sure to stay attractive for her husband. 

9. She doesn’t go around chasing after boys in her youth. She doesn’t obsess over ‘finding her soulmate’ but is instead content with marrying the man that her family picked out .

10. She devotes her life to taking care of others, and even moments before her death her only concern is her husband and children. 

11. She doesn’t nag. Like ever. Don’t be a nagging wife ladies, it’s not cute. 

12. Lastly, she knows her place. She doesn’t punch above her weight. The few times she is outspoken and ‘feisty’ it’s around other women and very much warranted. 

That’s all for today girls, I’m outie 5000. I hope you enjoyed this edition of Gypsy Death, and please stay tuned for more BASED DINGO content from us in the future. XOXO much love from Tangier <33